What is the burning bale, you ask? I can tell you what it’s not. It’s not what a serial arsonist has to pay to get out of jail. It’s not what happens when hay is set on fire. It’s not even what happens when the guy who played Batman is…also set on fire, I guess.
The Burning Bale is what we’ve been calling our fan base.
The Burning Bale, to put it bluntly, is you. Yes, you. You’re why we do it. I don’t even mean like “you” in a general sense, I mean like, literally, you. You, the one reading this. You’re so great. You’re why we do it. You’re the reason we get up in the morning and make world-changing music. That’s how great you are. Give yourself a pat on the back.
I recently got the chance to see the Burning Bale come out, in full force, at our album drop at The Open Space. It was beautiful, like a sea of turtles. On fire. We shared music, we shared laughs, we shared life, some guy in the front kept making noise, it was great. We could really feel the change we made in these people. Except that one guy in the front, he was a jerk. I think his name’s Greg or something. Like I don’t want to make a big deal about this because I’m just above that sort of negativity, but you know who you are Greg.
Anyway, it was a great night. There was a red carpet, we took pictures, it was amazing. I know because all our fans said so afterward. And I think they meant it, I don’t think it was just a reference to our song “Ah Mah Zin’”, although it might have been.
“But Fireturtles,” you may ask. “How can I be a part of the Burning Bale.” It’s simple really, just keep being awesome. Keep living life. Don’t just push the monkey button just so you can get a food pellet. Don’t be a secret hipster. Take a vacay with Satan. Just be you. And buy our album. Be you, but be the kind of you that buys our album. I know we said we do it just for you, but we also do it to sell albums too. “You just being you” doesn’t pay the bills. Unless you want to pay our bills. Do you? No seriously, that would actually be great.
And like us on social media, that’s a pretty Bale thing to do. Also if you could somehow get #BurningBale or #Baleheads or #Balethingtodo trending on Twitter, that would be great. I want “FU Facebook” to be popular on Facebook, like, tomorrow. Choke on that irony, Zuckerberg!
Of course, if you don’t want to do any of that, that’s fine too, we still love you.